remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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