from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
