I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
