I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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