and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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