Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
