you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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