So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
