apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize