hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
