It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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