I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
