yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm both gender and math confused
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize