we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize