I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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