I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
