Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
