Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
