Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
