Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
