everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
