I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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