her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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