So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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