8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
