you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Success! We fucked roommates!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
