Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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