I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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