yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
