the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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