Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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