What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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