lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
