I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
