allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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