I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
