like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
