The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
