My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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