I think my vagina is haunted
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
