i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
