don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
