He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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