Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
