woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize