My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
