I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
