Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He has the fingertips of a God
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