how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
