after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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