I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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