a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need to stop coming to work sober
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
