Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
