it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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