I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
