he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
