Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
