you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
