I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
