Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
