She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
