So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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