They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
