is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
