yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
