In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
