On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
third nipple confirmed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
