it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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