If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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