So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize