Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
